


Flame and Fire

by LightsInTheParlor



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alien Sex, Alternate Universe, Cheating, Dom/sub Undertones, Drunk Sex, F/M, Family Secrets, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Light Dom/sub, Mutual Non-Con, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, One Night Stands, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Queer Themes, Rape/Non-con Elements, Revenge Sex, Shower Sex, Teasing, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:33:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29367831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightsInTheParlor/pseuds/LightsInTheParlor
Summary: Commander Shepard discovers a dark secret in her newest Drell companion, one that threatens her well-being and forces her to question her own morals. Despite this, she feels herself inexplicably drawn to him, much to the distress of Garrus. Meanwhile, Garrus is struggling to find himself after regaining his closest friend and upholding his obligations to the Turian hierarchy.Takes place during ME2/ME3 and will be some combination of following the true story and major AU within the ME canon. Also, throw out all preconceived notions of canon sexualities :)TW's at start of chapters.*Work in progress! I'm writing this as I feel like it, and going back to make improvements to previous chapters. It'll be my first longer work in terms of plot, but don't worry, there will still be plenty of smut ;)I would love to hear your feedback as I explore this odd idea in my head!
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, Kolyat Krios/Female Shepard, Thane Krios/Female Shepard
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

“Siha.”

  
Shepard leaned against the frame of the Life Support door, unsteady knees betraying her attempt at appearing collected. She crossed her arms and flashed a cocky smile.

  
“Hey.”

  
Thane sat at the table, fingers so characteristically enfolded before him. Like so many of their encounters before, his face was observant, yet impassive, as he turned to face her. No emotion passed through his eyes as he spoke.

  
“Did you enjoy your shore leave?”

  
Shepard nodded, perhaps a little too aggressively. She took a step forward and immediately fell victim to her weakened legs, only to be swept up in strong arms and placed in the empty chair. Thane held her shoulders as he looked her over, then sniffed the air. She took this moment to admire his muscular chest visible under his jacket, the strength of his fingers on her skin.

  
“You are intoxicated.” It wasn’t a question, but an observation.

  
She hiccupped, providing an answer before she spoke. “You know… Some of the guys down in engineering, we thought we’d check out that Purgatory  
club.” She placed her hand on one of his forearms and ran it up towards his shoulder. The tips of her fingers traced the ridges of the frills of his neck and she noted how the dark red contrasted with her skin. The folds there seems to move to accommodate her touch, giving in where she applied light pressure. 

  
_He really is magnificent_ , she thought dreamily. She noticed vaguely that she was still smiling.

  
“I will take you up to your quarters and prepare your bed.”

“Thane…”

  
Before he could right himself fully, Shepard wrapped both hands around his neck and pulled his mouth to her. Soft, cold lips met hers, only with brief reluctance. She let out a soft moan, already feeling the tingle of venom disseminating through her system. She stood on wobbly legs and pressed her body against his, allowing her tongue to explore the inside of his mouth. His jacket landed with a light thud as she pushed it off his shoulders, her hands seizing upon the opportunity to explore his newly exposed muscles. Thane was ever the difficult one to read, never allowing emotion to emerge from dark, impassive eyes. But right now, as she ground her hips against his, she could feel the unmistakable excitement bulging below his belt.

  
Her head swam with the intoxicating cocktail of Asari liquor and Drell venom, her warmth against his cool. She was overwhelmed by the powerful control of his mouth, which set a commanding pace against her desperation. Her pleasure-blurred brain was egging her on, leading her hand down his front, coaxing fingers on fastenings.

Too quickly for her to respond, Thane pulled away from her mouth and snatched her wrist out from between them.

  
“I can’t allow you to give yourself to me.”

  
His voice was stern, black eyes boring into hers. She vaguely noticed his breathing was rougher than normal. Frustrated, she said, “I’m sober enough to know what I want. Let this happen…” She pressed her mouth into the nape of his neck and bit gently. She felt a sharp intake of breath, a sign of weakness, but—

  
“Siha, no.” He drew away from her entirely.

  
“Fuck, Krios, don’t tell your Commander what she can and can’t do.” Her body ached with anger and lust, her dislike of being denied hardening her previously languid expression. Thane pressed his lips together and considered her more. He clasped his arms behind his back and her frustration grew with this show of formality.

  
“I… can’t proceed to engage with you for first time under influence of drink. Let me take you to your room, Shepard…” There was the slightest twinge of his subvocals as he said her name, her name instead of Siha.

  
Shepard turned on her heel, steadied by anger, and marched out of Life Support, leaving a half-naked Thane behind.

* * *

She found herself entering her chambers, not really remembering how she had got there. Her face burned hot with fresh embarrassment, every ounce of confidence that had carried her to him had been washed to sea. Grabbing a datapad off her desk, she threw herself onto her bed, kicked her boots to the floor, and peeled off her clothes. A few taps brought her to her favorite extranet site. Opening the first vid listed, she settled into her sheets and with her unencumbered hand reached to the warmth between her legs.

  
 _A Human is bent an Asari over the hood of a skycar in a dark garage. He pulls down his_ _pants and to release his engorged cock. The Asari, completely naked but for a blindfold, whimpers_ _and asks who he is. He doesn’t answer but guides himself into her. He’s pounding her relentlessly, shaking the vehicle beneath them. The Asari’s cries are echoing throughout the garage,_ _interspersed with softer grunts from the man. He calls her something derogatory and slaps her ass_ _with his hand, causing her to cry out in pain. The same hand reaches down to slide it into her_ _empty hole. She pleads for more and he fucks her harder, finally unleashing his full load into her._

  
Shepard worked furiously at her hungry bud, pressure building until her toes flexed and a moan escaped her lips, mind going temporarily numb. Her body warmed to match her liquor-flushed face and a bit of her frustration melted away.

She turned to these vids almost every night, especially after stressful missions, an odd and unspoken privilege to having your own cabin. At first it started as human-on-human vids; recently it had almost exclusively been interspecies. She craved to know what it felt like to be with an alien, even once allowing her eyes to wander over Garrus and imagine what he might be hiding below the belt. To her intense disappointment, she had never been able to find a vid featuring a Drell, but with so few left in the galaxy, it made sense that they weren’t spending their free time posing for Fornax.

  
Her heart rate slowing steadily, she clicked around the datapad and began her nightly check of the security cameras around the ship. She liked to look in on her crew, make sure everyone is on task and taking care of themselves. Joker sat in the cockpit still, bickering with the EDI console to his left. Some crew conversed in the mess hall over a late dinner, including the few she had been out with that night. Tali and Yeoman Chambers chatted while overlooking the Galaxy Map in the CIC downstairs. Zaeed was sulking in a nook in engineering, per usual. 

  
She bit her lip as she clicked over to Life Support, only to find it empty. He probably just left to the Mess Hall and she missed him, or perhaps was in the Med Bay speaking with Dr. Chakwas, something explainable. She had to admit, she had found some comfort in the reliability of seeing him meditate in his quarters. Moving on, she flicked through the Shuttle Bay, Port Observation, the Med Bay—

  
Shepard heart flipped and she clicked back to the previous cam.

  
Confusion and anger mixed furiously in her head, her stomach knotting and her chest tightening. Thane was laying on his back with his hands interlocked behind his head, green scales iridescent in vague blue light. A stranger Asari straddled him, her hips working desperately against his. She was fully naked, while Thane was dressed but for his pants pulled down around his knees. As they were partially occluded by a couch, she could only see the Asari’s back, but based on her thrown-back head could guess she was moaning loudly. Thane’s lips were parted, he appeared to be breathing heavily.

  
Angry tears slid down her cheeks and onto her pillow.

  
Tonight wasn’t the first night she had propositioned him, and once more her advances were spurred. She had thought he was just a traditionalist, waiting until they were bonded before becoming physical. It wasn’t that he didn’t want sex, he just didn’t want _her_.

  
The Asari became more urgent against him, until she fell forward onto his chest, gasping for breath. The pair stood, dressed themselves with backs turned to the security camera, and said their good-bye’s. Thane put his mouth to her ear: until tomorrow.

Shepard shut off the datapad and threw it down on the bed, breathing heavily.

When Thane had joined the Normandy, she was immediately drawn to his enigmatic presence. It wasn't until he told her what _Siha_ meant had she understood his attraction towards her. He had kissed her that night, introduced her to his addictive venom, made her think she had found a potential partner in him. It was ludicrous, she thought, to have expected so much in such short time… but time seemed irrelevant in a life with death constantly around the corner. Fuck, it’s his fault, he coerced her walls down with stories of his past and admittances of romantic feelings.

She laid there for what could have been minutes, or an hour, then an idea came to her. A vindictive, vengeful idea.

  
Standing, she went to her private terminal and wrote out a quick message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> \- Shepard approaches Thane after a night of drinking and is turned down again.  
> \- Shepard discovers Thane having sex with an unknown Asari.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Non-con elements in this chapter.
> 
> These chapters were written by someone who has experienced trauma and gains catharsis from being able to control these scenarios in their writing. The themes written here are not meant to glorify rape. Know that you are safe and loved in these chapters.

It was the next night. Shepard paced around her quarters, checking her reflection in the shower mirror for the umpteenth time. She readjusted the hem of her dress and ran a hand through her hair, which she had attempted to tame with little avail. She pulled down a bottle from her store and poured herself a generous glass of wine.

Her omni-tool pinged. Shepard pressed it and the quarters door slid open.

The Drell stepped through, his hands clasped behind his back in an all-to-familiar fashion.

  
“Commander.”

“Kolyat, nice to see you again.”

He looked around the room, accepting a glass of wine from Shepard. “These are nice quarters you have. Is this standard for this kind of vessel?”

She took a step forward, so she was an arm’s length away from him. “Only the captain’s quarters are this nice. Most of the crew sleep in cabins and pods in the lower levels.” Kolyat was quiet so she went on. “How have you been doing? I know it hasn’t been long, but you staying out of trouble?” She reached out and rested a hand on his upper arm. Not as well trained as his father, she could see him give away a small flare of excitement at her touch.

“I couldn’t find trouble if I wanted to, with Bailey tailing me.” He sounded frustrated, boyish almost in his disdain for being controlled. A smile pulled at the corner of her mouth.

“It’s only because there are people who care about you, Kolyat.” She brought the wine to her lips to drink and watched as he subconsciously did the same. “You were confused about your purpose, but I saw a strong, courageous man out there that day. I knew you were cable of so much with just the right guidance.” She stepped a bit closer to him, her eyes focused on his. 

He looked down into his glass. “I don’t know what I would do without my father… Without you.”

She took his glass and said, “Here, let me take your coat for you.” Unlike his father, his leather suit concealed his entire torso. Kolyat slid the jacket off his shoulders and she laid it on her desk. She admired as the scales on his now revealed arms, much bluer than his father’s green, reflected the dim light of her fish tank beautifully. 

“I want to make sure you stay safe, Kolyat. We could really help each other out if we got to know each other better…” Shepard moved her hand to lay on his chest, trailing it down his torso slowly until she met his waistband – this time no hand stopped her. His breathing quickened as she toyed with his belt, her own heart thrumming a storm as her hand brushed against the skin of his abdomen. Confusion and lust entangled on the young Drell’s face, all his muscles tensing as her fingers wrapped around his hardening shaft.

“Now?” He whispered, excited. His husky, dual-toned voice raised goosebumps on Shepard’s arms. Though much like his father’s, his lacked the carefully controlled indifference, instead replaced by angst… chaos. 

She pulled his cock out of his pants and found it to be teal and heavily ridged, especially at its base. Her eyes met his and she . His lips had parted slightly, his breathing quickening. His hands found the hem of her tight dress and hitched it up around her ass, cupping her curves and pressing his erection against her stomach. He lowered his head and pressed cold lips against her neck just below her ear.

“Let me take you.”

Not a request, but a command. Shepard could see the fire behind his dark eyes and knew hunger  
had coerced him into abandoning Drell customs.

“Wait,” Shepard said as she turned to bend over her terminal. Behind her the Drell pressed his hard appendage into her ass, rocking his hips slightly with anticipation.

A few clicks pulled up a vid featuring a Human-Hanar pairing.

“Ah… I see…” He said with a deep purr in his voice. His hands ran up her back, down her sides,  
and in between her thighs. Even without feeling the effects of venom, her head felt airy with  
arousal, it had been so long since she had been touched this way. When he found her wet lips with his fingers, he gave a gasp of pleasant surprise. Shepard closed her eyes and moaned at his touch and in response he began to roughly rub her swollen clit. She vaguely wondered if he had ever been with a human, or if women were anything like female Drell. His tip gradually approached her wet, inviting opening.

As the Hanar inserted a long tentacle into his Human mate, Kolyat filled Shepard in one fluid  
motion. She moaned loudly, gripping the edge of the desk for support. The Drell unzipped his vest and threw it on the ground, now bare-chested. She could feel his tip touching her cervix, but the Drell did not move a single pelvic muscle. Shepard yearned for him pull out and thrust into her again. She felt Kolyat’s breath on her neck as he leaned over to also watch the vid. His hand took a fistful of her hair and pulled her head back towards him, his breath ragged and rough against her ear.

“Do you wish I had as many appendages as that Hanar.”

Oh, and he talked dirty, too?

“You Humans are just so filthy.”

If only Thane knew how his son was treating his Siha…

Shepard grinded against his hilt, earning her a small moan. “Just… uhn… show me I’m not  
missing out…”

Unlike his calm, controlled father, Kolyat was more erratic, more hot-headed. He drove himself  
into Shepard hard and held himself in her for a moment, as if to savor the delicious deepness,  
before pulling out quickly to his tip and doing it again. With each thrust her desk and the items on it shook.

The woman in the vid was screaming as each of her holes was filled with a tentacle, her body  
suspended off the ground by one around her waist. The Hanar’s movements were slow and  
deliberate, but Shepard was being fucked passionately and aggressively. Kolyat grabbed the drink off the desk and took another swig, all the while still driving himself into her repeatedly. He then bent over again and bit her neck hard, then licked in the same spot. Where his tongue touched her skin there remained a pleasant numbing sensation as venom soaked into her.

“Commander, I didn’t know you were such a horny girl. Is there anything else you do?”

“Put me on the bed and I’ll let you do whatever you want.” She heard him growl with satisfaction at the suggestion. He grabbed her by the neck and pulled her torso up to his so they were both standing, his voice at her ear.

“Glad to.”

Releasing her, Shepard walked down the steps to her bed and sat upon it with crossed legs. She  
then grabbed the nearby datapad, still on the bed from the night before. Kolyat’s smile was  
mischievous.

“You really do like your vids, don’t you?”

“You better stop talking and fill me with that cock of yours, Krios.” Something about using their  
shared family name gave her immense pleasure. Kolyat’s lips curled in a devilish grin, placing  
hands on either of her knees and forcing them apart. He grabbed her waist and flipped her so she  
was on all fours on the bed. Kneeling behind her, he entered her easily with a hoarse grunt.

Resting her weight on her elbows, Shepard pulled the datapad beneath her so it was out of the  
Drell’s line of sight. It was just about that time of night. Flicking to the security module, she went directly to her target. Tonight, the Asari was pressed against the wall. Thane stood behind, pinning her arms above her head and as he worked into her. However, this time he was fully naked, and Shepard couldn’t help but admire his toned, defined ass. He moved in and out of her with great care, pulling out so his tip was entirely removed from her, then sliding it into her asshole. He repeated this, switching between her two openings with great precision. She felt a twinge in her stomach like the night before, but this time it was overpowered by the great sense of vindictive satisfaction she felt as the younger Drell fucked her to no end. Cheat on her he might, but how would he feel knowing she had seduced his only, beloved son? Now watching the security footage was like having her own vid with a Drell, but with the added bonus of experiencing it herself at the same time.

Shepard could feel Kolyat beginning to shake, the appendage within her swelling as his paced  
quickened. A groan was building inside of him… he clenched her hips painfully. He suddenly  
leaned over her back to bite her neck, too quickly for her to react. His movements ceased.

“Are you… Is that… That is my father.” His voice was hollow, void of both confusion and anger.

Shepard shut her eyes tight, willing to undo what had just happened. “It’s… not what you think.”  
An incredibly lame explanation. “He won’t be mated with me.” She said the last words quickly,  
her cheeks flooding with fresh embarrassment.

To her surprise, Kolyat, lips still at her neck, began to chuckle. His hips began to grind into her and a hand once again found her hungry bud. “Well, then let’s help you forget about him.” He said with the most delicious deviancy. "He always did have a thing for those blue's." Then, he was pounding into her, knocking the breath out of Shepard repeatedly. His teeth bit her neck in one, two, so many places bringing her both pain and ecstasy. Her elbows gave out from under her so that her face pressed into her mattress under his weight. His grunts filled her ears, his fingers brought waves of orgasms that followed one after the other.

And suddenly he was filling her with a flood of fluid. A roar ripped from his chest that might have been heard on lower levels, before becoming still. A few moments passed and he pulled out from a still panting Shepard. By time Shepard turned to face him, he was already dressed.

“Kolyat,”

He looked up, but Shepard wasn’t sure what she should say, pulling her dress down as she delayed.

  
“I’m sor—Thank you. I needed this.”

As he pulled his jacket over his broad shoulders, he gave her a small smirk.

“Anytime, Shepard.”

And he was gone.

Her crew was convened in the Comm Room before the hour struck. Shepard had made it clear that she did not take tardiness lightly. Even Zaeed, who was the last to arrive, sulked into the room on time. She gave the briefing for the next mission whilst ignoring the tension deep in her gut as she felt Thane’s dark eyes intent upon her, his hands clasped behind his back.

  
“I’ll be bringing Garrus and Tali on the ground me. We’re expecting a lot of synthetics so I’ll need the extra firepower and tech support. Tali, let’s get that drone upgrade installed we picked up on the Citadel.” Tali nodded her acknowledgement. Garrus, who was in his usual position at Shepard’s immediate left mumbled, “You got it, Shepard.” She called and end to the meeting and watched her crew filter out of the room, including Thane. Garrus hung back until they were the only two left.

  
“Not to be the jealous type, but I always get a kick when Krios gets worked up. I don’t think he appreciated hearing he got replaced by Tali.” He chuckled a bit, a sound that always brought some amount of joy to Shepard. She looked up at him, “What are you talking about? He was stoic the whole time.” She scowled, considering any body language she had misread during the meeting. Truth be told, she had purposefully kept her eyes on the holo at the center of the room so as to not look at Thane.

  
Garrus laughed and pressed a pad of a digit between her eyebrows where harsh lines had formed. “Maybe it’s an assassin thing, but to me it was pretty obvious you riled him up. He’s probably already back in Life Support moping at his desk.” His hand came to rest on Shepard’s shoulder, his metallic voice dropping. “In fact, you’re basically flashing a big holo sign advertising your sexual frustration.” She jerked her shoulder out from his grasp. “Garrus! Don’t you have something better to do right now?”

  
“Yeah, yeah. If you need me, you know where I’ll be.” And he strolled out of the room, still laughing softly.

  
Shepard waited a couple minutes before heading to her chambers, already considering what pairing she was going to watch tonight.

  
Her chamber doors slid shut behind her only just after she had discarded her shirt and pants to the floor. She turned on the shower and dimmed the lights so she could just barely see her reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror. As the small room began to fill with steam, she removed her bra and panties and stepped under the shower head. The hot water felt therapeutic as it pounded out the tension in her muscles that had built up unnoticed during the meeting. She reached up to adjust the shower so it rained down a storm of heavy droplets from directly overhead.

  
A hand grasped her outstretched arms by their wrists and pinned them behind her back, another wrapped tightly around her stomach. Through the thick steam and the darkness, Shepard hadn’t seen her assailant approaching.

  
“Siha.”

  
His deep, dual-toned voice broke through the loud shower with perfect clarity.

  
“Thane, what the fuck? What are you doing?”

  
“I needed to talk to you, but when you came in you went directly to bathe.” Emotion rose in Shepard’s chest, a mix of confusion and anger, and perhaps… arousal? She felt tense, but at the same time felt very aware of how naked she was, and how dominant he was being.

  
Thane went on, “Why did you not choose me for this mission?”

  
“Don’t question your Commander’s choices.” Her voice was low and assertive, an attempt to mask the quell of emotions underneath.

  
The grip holding her wrists tightened slightly. “It is because I turned you down upon your return from shore leave.” Shepard closed her eyes, willing herself to maintain control as her emotions brimmed. “No… it was a tactical choice. Your personal matters are not considered in mission strategies.” Thane pulled his arm back causing Shepard to spin to face him. His eyes were intent on hers, she could tell he was thinking hard. Water rushed down his metallic skin, which shone bleakly in the dim lighting. She struggled to maintain her composure, fighting the desire to both hit him and rip off all his clothes.

  
“Siha, I wish you to bring me along with you and Garrus. I need to know you are protected.”

  
“Firstly, I don’t need protecting. Secondly, Garrus and Tali are more than capable to handle this mission.”

  
“It is not them that I doubt, but if I were not there and you were not to return…”

  
Her anger suddenly came to a boil. “If you care so much, why won’t you sleep with me, Thane?

  
Apparently, I’m not as good as a random Asari you found on the Citadel.”

  
She felt the sting of cold glass collide with her back as strong arms pinned her against the shower wall. “How did you know that?” His voice was deep, dark, and full of malice. Shepard could feel her heart pounding out her chest.

  
“I saw you on the cams. I saw you with her every night, even the night you rejected me!”

  
Thane’s face was mere inches from hers, yet Shepard held her gaze. Though the heat of the moment had her breathing hard, he was as impassive as ever.

  
“I have been having urges, frustrations that I have not been able to fulfill. It was a very dark place. I sought out the Asari as a partner to help me find peace. We met last time I had shore leave at the Citadel, she is a consort. Siha, I could not have taken those feelings out on you, especially with the influence my venom has on you. You are too important.”

  
She couldn’t believe her ears.

  
“So… did it work?” Her voice cracked, giving away to internal turbulence.

  
“No.” His voice was husk; the slightest sound of frustration came through. His eyes flashed and his lips closed tighter. Shepard had never seen him give away feelings like this before. She wanted more. In that moment she flashed back to what Garrus had said, _maybe it’s an assassin thing, but to me it was pretty obvious you riled him up_. If only humans were half as sensitive as Turians. At the movement of her arm, he released one hand and she brought hers to the red frills along his cheek. “Take me, Thane. Use me, let me help you feel better… I can handle your darkness.”

  
“Siha, I… What if I hurt you?”

  
“You won’t.”

  
Thane’s breathing hitched. Slowly, he shouldered out of his soaking jacket. He released her entirely from his grip to unfasten the vest underneath. Shepard ached with the anticipation to see his body again, synergized by fear for what was to come. The contrast of the cold wall on her back and the hot shower water was already titillating her senses immensely. He moved his lips along her jaw, down her neck, teeth sinking into her skin. Her cry of pain elicited a deep, possessive growl from him. Hands worked hastily at his pants and they landed on the floor with a wet thump.

  
Shepard looked to her side at the mirrored wall. Thane’s iridescent green skin shown in the dim lighting, bringing out the subtle green undertones in her skin. His shoulders were arched, all his muscles clenched, holding back dark, suppressed turmoil. She watched as his hands wrapped around her ass and her feet left the ground. With Shepard’s legs wrapped around his waist, she could feel his hard, quivering cock waiting at her entrance. They locked eyes once more, and he watched her face as her body accepted his full length. Shepard’s mouth fell open, the back of her head pressing against the wall.

  
He filled every corner of her, igniting every sensory nerve in her body at once. His pelvis moved slowly, bringing himself in and out of her with remarkable control. But she could hear the rattle in his breathing, sense the slight twitch of his muscle. She could stay here forever, victim to the pleasures at the edge of control. She let out a small moan, echoing serenely among metal and walls, drawing his mouth to hers. Her veins filled with venom, the familiar blur of euphoria and compliance overtaking her.

  
His movements came to an abrupt stop, lips pulled away, but his chest was now heaving. His hands left her ass and slammed against the metal on either side of her head, face turned down towards the floor.

  
“Siha, you didn’t.”

  
_How… how did he know?_

  
As if he could read her mind: “I can taste him on you. My own son?” She could hear his fingers drag on the metal by her ear as his hands clenched into fists against the wall.

  
“Thane... I was, I was fucking angry. I wanted to be with you and instead you sought out a stranger.” Her voice was faltering, her body screamed to feel him move within her. “Why couldn’t you have talked to me about what you were feeling? You pushed me to find a way to hurt you back.”

  
He was silent, chest heaving and biotics buzzing with his anger. Hands came from the walls to rest on her thighs, but his grip was harsh, nearing painful. She squirmed, attempting to wriggle out of his type grip but to no avail.

  
Suddenly, he was fucking her. Blue light grew brighter as his biotics sparked painfully, bringing stinging tears to her eyes. Venom blurred her vision, subdued her struggle against the pain he was bringing her. Small whimpers left her throat, unable to muster resistance.

  
“I—”

  
He captured her mouth with his before she could continue. A new rush of venom occluded whatever objection she might have had. She did not feel her feet on the floor but she was turned around, the cold of the metal wall against her torso. Then he was hilted in her again, one hand pinning both of hers above her head, the other continuing stinging biotics between her thighs. It was all too much, so much, and then it was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> \- Shepard invites Kolyat to her cabin with the intent to exact revenge on his father.  
> \- After a tense mission briefing, Thane confronts Shepard and secrets are revealed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Non-con elements in this chapter. 
> 
> Again, sorry about the formatting!

Shepard opened to eyes, her vision fuzzy, and bleakly recognized she was laying on her bed. A few  
moments passed, then she lifted her head to look around. Thane sat on the edge of the bed, still  
naked, eyes intent upon her. Additional moments passed before she remembered the moments prior  
to blacking out.

  
How long was she out? Minutes? Hours?

  
She became painfully aware of the feeling of bruising on her arms and legs, stinging broken skin  
on her neck, a cloud of venom resting in her system, and tears welled in her eyes. At this, Thane  
moved closer to her and placed a hand in her hair, cradling her head. The lines on his face seemed  
more pronounce… mournful.

  
“It was too much for you.”

  
Not a question, but a statement. She wasn’t even sure if there was meant to be an apology. She  
rolled on her side, facing away from Thane, as fresh tears stung in her eyes. She squeezed her eyes  
shut, the skin pulling around her eyes was tight -- she had been crying already. Still weighed down  
by the residual effects of venom, her mind struggled to lift itself under a thrill of finally sleeping  
with this man and the fear of what had just happened. She rattled her brain to remember what had  
happened before blacking out... blacking out because of sex? It was one of those fantasies you  
never thought could actually happen, but of course a Drell could make it happen. She vaguely  
remembered cold against her cheek, her intoxicated mind noticing for the first time the Cerberus  
insignia embossed into each metal tile of her bathroom, but nothing after that. Her heart fluttered  
meekly at the thought.

  
"Tell me what happened." She could only muster a hoarse whisper.

  
"I followed you to your cabin following our tactical meeting,

  
_A room full of steam. She was standing there, vulnerable, wrapped in steam. I approach her and_   
_she confronts me, voice of betrayal but not of understanding. Darkness within me yearns to_   
_consume her after so many denials. I taste my own on her skin and the darkness overwhelms. She's_   
_helpless, a new victim to my darkness, wet skin and burning flesh. Carnal pleasure in battle with_   
_my need to keep her safe. Her body goes limp in my arms and need dominates, my body only a tool,_   
_wet skin resonates against metal. We return to her bed... I explore, I feast. She is mine."_

  
A resounding silence followed his solipsism. She had asked for his darkness and he had given it,  
and it was too much for her. He didn't stop when she blacked out.

  
He was the first to break the silence. "I prayed for your safe return to wakefulness, to have peace while you slept. I vowed to protect you and that will not change, so long as you will allow  
me."

  
Shepard shifted back and rubbed her eyes with her palms before looking at the Drell again.

  
Impassive.

  
Quietly, she said "Did you find some resolve with your darkness at least?" and her heart sunk when he  
shook his head slowly.

"But I cannot hurt you this way again. I shall call upon the consort to seek  
out my solution and--"

  
"No." Shepard interrupted. "I don't want you going back to her. We are a team so... so we'll figure  
this out together." She found she couldn't make eye contact with him as she said it, instead she  
stared at the beams in the ceiling above her bed. She thought she heard his subvocals vibrate, maybe with concern and  
discontent. "We're going to find a solution, starting right now. I can handle it," she concluded. Her  
eyes darted to meet his; she thought she could see a flash of excitement in his eyes.

  
Thane shifted on the bed and slid gracefully under the covers with her. With hands between her  
knees, he spread her and carefully positioned himself against her abdomen. She winced as bruises  
on her legs smarted under his pressure. His hands slid up her thighs, pulling her center roughly to  
his, his newly hard erection rubbing between her folds. She brought up hands to his chest and he  
immediately grabbed her wrists and snapped them over her head. She choked on her breath.

  
"Don't move." He said, almost not moving his lips. "You will not touch me, only I will touch  
you." His eyes were dark. 

He began to move his hips against hers, his cock pushing into her bud nearly perfectly. She  
angled her hips up to better meet his, but his motions halted. When she held still, he  
continued his movements, drawing out her moans of frustration from her incomplete stimulation. His  
breathing was rough, hot against her lips as he held his face so close to hers. His hands released  
restraint, and when she didn't move, he proceeded to draw them down her body, blue biotics  
vibrating fused fingers.

  
Eyes full of hunger, he studied Shepard's reactions as his biotics stung her neck, her breasts, her  
stomach. He buried a finger within her folds, circumvented her bud. She let out another frustrated  
groan and saw his lips curl slightly. More than anything she wanted to wrap her legs around him,  
feel him hilt within her, and work her until they both orgasmed. And with that, she realized that he  
had not allowed her to finish last night... it wasn't about her pleasure. So many times he had spoke  
of being a vessel of his employers’ wills, and she had become a vessel for his pleasure.

  
He drew his hand from below to his mouth and sucked on fused fingers languidly before bringing  
them to her lips. She took them into her mouth obediently, tasting the cocktail of herself and his  
venom on his skin. She bit down hard, not enough to break skin, all the while maintaining eye contact. He  
could remove himself, even punish her, but she found some relief from frustration in this display of  
control. She continued to massage his fingers between her teeth, he continued sliding his cock  
against her.

He repeated the motion, bringing fingers back to his mouth, then  
administering her another dose. She realized he was going to induce her without even kissing her.  
The influence of the second delivery was immediate, her inhibitions melted away... frustration  
becoming a welcome friend.

  
It was in this moment that she reflected on how reptilian the Drell was. As his body slid over hers,  
rough edges of scales caught her skin, leaving her stinging; their smooth flats moved silkily, they  
did not stick or sweat as Human skin did. His body was as cold as the pressurized air of her cabin,  
nictitating membranes blinked over black eyes occasionally, and the venom…

  
She felt shifting of his hips and his hand between them, then his intrusion into her body as he slid to his hilt. She uttered a soft _oh yes_ , relishing in the feeling of her walls being stretched to fit him. His hand inserted between her folds once more and she felt the vibration of biotics only moments before he shocked her. Her entire body tensed, her walls squeezing around his cock, eliciting a grunt and accompanying satisfied subvocals. When she relaxed again, she received another surge of biotics and her body brought him another wave of stimulation, another grunt. He did not move his hips, did not with draw or pulse... he didn't need to. Over and over, she unwillingly pleasured him, watched his lips part with ragged breaths, eyes growing darker. 

_She was his vessel_ , she smiled, inviting the feeling of submission, her vision becoming darker. She was rapidly approaching blacking out, and this time... she was glad for it.

  
“Siha.” A hand cupped her face and squeezed her cheek. “Stay here with me, my _Ira’na_.” His breathing was labored, warm breath chilling beads of sweat on her face. Her gaze moved to him, but her eyelids were so heavy… how she would love just to close them.

  
“It’s okay,” she smiled, “I will return when you need me.”

  
“Stay with me. I need to see your eyes, see the expression change on your face. I must know what I am making you feel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> \- Shepard wakes up, realizing Thane had made her black out.  
> \- Sex with dom/sub, orgasm denial, pain affliction.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Non-smut chapter, again focusing on building Garrus and Shepard's close, platonic relationship.
> 
> Romantic or not, I really enjoy the dynamic between Shep and Garrus through the trilogy and what they really mean to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: References to non-con elements from previous chapters.

Garrus joked darkly with her as they left the Wards. He had just killed Sidonis, and though she knew it brought him so much catharsis, she could hear the hurt masked by his humor. The skycar door closed behind them to take them back to the Docking Bay, a good opportunity for them to debrief in private before returning to the Normandy.

Once seated and moving, she turned to Garrus and placed a hand on his jaw. He partially closed his eyes and returned pressure into her, mandibles twitching in what she could only guess was a Turian grimace. Over their time together, she found that this Turian was one of action, often finding it difficult to communicate with words. Physical communication often seemed to be more important, more significant, to him. He didn't let just anyone touch him this way. 

He took a deep, mournful breath in between his mouth plates and she saw his expression change suddenly. His eyes opened, pupils dilated, and he looked at her with some interest, almost a smirk.

“What is it, Garrus?” Her voice was defensive.

“Oh nothing, except, were you going to tell me you finally slept with the Drell?” He chuckled. “You stink like hell, could have thrown in a couple extra showers before shoving us in a skycar together.”

Shepard removed her hand and looked down at her lap. She had awoken this morning in her bed alone, new pain, and unsure if she had blacked out again. There hadn’t been time for a shower, and she hadn’t considered how sensitive Turian noses were.

“Shepard, are you… Wait, what the hell.” He had looked down at her hand, now upturned on her leg and the slightest edge of a bruise peeking out from her armor. He grabbed her wrist and brought it closer to his eyes, his faceplates shifting angrily. “Spirits, Shepard, did he do this to you?”

She pulled her hand away as tears quelled in the corners of her eyes. She wanted to lie and say it was okay, it was just from sparring with Jack, or Dr. Chakwas was treating her for a coagulation issue… but Garrus was the one living thing she could not lie to. He didn’t wait for her response, talons pulling at her armor’s fastenings along her torso, peeling pieces off without her resistance. _Only Garrus_ , she thought, could remove her armor without risk of being thrown out of the skycar with her biotics. He pushed up the sleeve of her now exposed arm, revealing deep purple bruising and pink abrasions to her shoulder. He growled, dropping her hand and looking around frantically, probably for something he could break. When he couldn’t find anything, he growled again and shoved his crest into his palms, elbows supported on knees. It was the first time Shepard at ever seen him break down like this, and to see it now made her fill with shame.

She rallied her self-control, trying to stay collected, “I’m fine… It’s fine. It was just some rough fun. Garrus, I don’t need you to worry about –”

“I knew something was off about him. Those subvocals…”

“I didn’t hear any subvocals.”

“Shepard, remember how you Humans are about sensitive as rocks? I could hear him during that briefing, it wasn’t normal, even for a Drell.”

They approached the Docking Bay skycar port in silence, Garrus with his face in his hands, Shepard rolling down her sleeve and piecing her armor back together. Before the came to a complete stop, he flung the car door open and sped off towards the Normandy’s bridge, rifle in hand. She had to run to catch up to him, his much longer legs and fury-fueled strides easily out-pacing her.

“Garrus –”

He didn’t listen, didn’t respond as she tugged on his arm. The airlock barely finished pressurizing when he pried open the ship’s doors. Shepard made a mental note to send Donnelly to check on them as she heard electronics fizzling.

Members of the crew looked up at the sound of footsteps, to move out of the way only just in time to not be trampled by a raging Turian holding a very large gun. Yeoman Chambers greeted them, her normally chipper grin faltering as Garrus demanded Thane’s location. Shepard threw herself into the elevator after him just before their doors closed, newly grateful for its crawling descent.

She stood in front of him, glaring into his eyes, which were turned up at the wall. “Garrus, I’m ordering you to stand down. I do not need you to fight my fights, especially because I’m not sure you could win this one.”

  
He huffed.

“I said, _that’s an order_.”

“Sorry, Shep, you’re worth a lot more than a write-up for insubordination.”

The elevator opened and Garrus stepped out onto the Shuttle Bay, Shepard close behind. Thane was working out on a mat at the bay’s center, dressed only in loose-fitting slacks and barefoot. Unfortunately, an unarmed Thane still did not bode well for an armed Garrus.

“KRIOS.” Garrus shouted, propping his gun up on his shoulder and marching straight at Thane. The Drell took one look over his shoulder at them and literally disappeared into thin air. A growl ripped from Garrus’s chest as he spun on his heel, searching for the Drell.

“KRIOS, COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME LIKE YOU HAVE A SPINE.”

Hands appeared from nowhere, taking ahold of Garrus’s neck and arms and throwing him to the ground, rifle clattering away. Garrus sprang back to his feet and lashed out for the now-visible Thane, green body bending impossibly to dodge the blow. Garrus may be a hand-to-hand expert, but he was no match for a Drell assassin, and she feared the worst. Behind them, a crowd had formed as the rest of the ship’s crew emerged in waves from the elevator to watch.

An ill-timed pass from Garrus opened him up and Thane, almost lazily, struck his mandible with his hand. Blue blood splattered the mat below their feet as Garrus staggered back. Garrus's eyes were dilated, growls ripping from his throat, only just louder than the jeers and calls of the crowd behind them. Thane just... danced around him, even with Garrus's impressive reach he was untouched, striking at only the perfect times to break down his opponent. Shepard screamed at them to stand down, but neither man listened. If Thane didn't kill him, he would probably just evade him until the Turian until he dropped dead from exhaustion, stubbornness enabling him to do so. 

“THAT’S ENOUGH.”

Her biotics surged through outstretched arms. 

Thane and Garrus flew in opposite directions as Shepard’s shockwave blasted a path across the bay, the first skidding across the floor, the other knocked into a pile of crates. She stood between them, hands glowing blue, daring either man to stand back up. She recognized looks of shock, even in Thane, 

“I will NOT have this behavior on my ship, and you will NOT disobey when given an order. You two will be lucky to ever ground another mission with me. Now, Thane, go to your quarters. Garrus, report to my cabin immediately.” Her chest heaved with her anger as she watched them rise slowly and leave the Shuttle Bay. Thane disappeared up the service stairs, Garrus scooped up his rifle and shoved apart the now-quiet crew members gathered by the elevator. Biotics going dim, Shepard glared up at the gathered crowd, then up at those on the viewing deck above, among them were her squad, including an overjoyed Grunt. It was more than enough of an order to send them on their way.

Joker, at the back of the pack, whistled low and tipped his hat to her before following the others to the elevator.

* * *

Shepard stormed into her cabin. Before the doors closed shut behind her, she had stripped away the majority of her armor and thrown it unceremoniously to the ground. Garrus sat awkwardly in the chair by her bed, his armor a bit too big to fit properly between its arms. His eyes were intent upon her as she removed the her last leg piece and left it at the top of the stairs.

“Shepard, I –”

“No, hold on, I’m speaking first.” She paced the lower level of the chambers, hand to her forehead, breathing heavily. “You are my top guy, okay? That fact is known on this ship, so how dare you set such an example. When I give an order, I expect it to be followed, _especially_ when the situation concerns my personal matters.” She came to a stop in front of him and looked upon his scarred face plates. “Keep it together, Vakarian, or I’ll be forced to reconsider your placed on this ship.” Of course, that was an empty threat.

“How could you expect me to stand down, knowing what he did?” Garrus stood, daunting height rising above her, voice growing louder. “Really Shepard, after everything that’s happened? Saren? The Geth? Spirits, Shepard, you DIED.” He picked up the chair, pausing long enough to glance at her for permission. With her small nod, he threw it against the ground and it cracked in half. “After all that, do you think I’m going to let some sadistic fuck hurt you without killing him myself? You call me your ‘best guy’ but you expect me to watch as you make stupid decisions.”

“Garrus…”

He grabbed her shoulders in each of his hands, blue eyes boring into hers. “Shepard, you are the only goddamn friend I have left in this screwed up galaxy.” His voice cracked on the last word and her heart broke. She took his hands in hers and led him to the bed, sitting next to him. It took a few deep breaths for her to be able to continue calmly, but he waited patiently. 

“I’ve propositioned Thane multiple times, including the other day when I came back drunk from the bars. I was angry he turned me away again, and later that night I caught him with an Asari consort he met on the Citadel. Apparently, he’s fighting some dark turmoil and was afraid of exposing me to it.” Garrus mumbled something involving _pyjaks_ and she briefly found humor in the insult he had picked up from Wrex. “I didn’t know that… I was hurt and confused, and so I invited Kolyat onto the ship the next night…”

“Spirits, Shepard,” Garrus shook his head and sighed.

“Yeah, and when Thane approached me after the briefing, he, uh, tasted him on me. I talked him into using me instead of the Consort. It’s not his fault this happened… I asked for it and I couldn’t handle it.”

A growl emanated from within his chest. “Of course it’s his fault. You don’t have any responsibility in solving his problems, especially if it causes you pain.” He reached up and began to break the seals of his armor, placing the pieces on the floor in a much more organized manner than she had with hers. Now in only his Turian fatigues, he reached an arm around Shepard and brought her tight to his torso. His body was hard and rigid, and much warmer than hers, but she found comfort in the rare gesture, allowing her head to rest on his clavicular plate. Her head rose and fell slowly with his deep breaths. She wondered what kind of subvocals he was making right now. Probably... protective. She felt protected. 

She trusted her team with her body's safety, how could she not? Between Jack's chaotic power, Tali's tech expertise, an unhinged Krogan child with a gun, and a potentially catastrophically dangerous Mordin, not much made her feel nervous in the field. It was only this "bad" Turian that could give her a place to feel safe mentally, the rare peace of mind. The content their relationship brought was so ingrained, it almost made the looming threat of the Collectors seem insignificant, almost... stupid. So, if she found such great content in this kind of security, why did she crave the endangerment of a Drell assassin? Why was she invested in returning to a being who was not intent in protecting her mind or body? Her mind answered unwillingly, _because you thrive in danger_. 

He broke the silence. 

“Shepard, tell me you’re okay.”

“I am, Garrus. Really.”

“Tell me I can kill him if he hurts you again.”

“Not if I kill him first.”

Her head shook with his deep chuckle. She smiled and relaxed a bit more.

After a while she parted with him enough to look up at his face. “You need to talk about Sidonis. I know you don’t want to, but I’m not giving you the option.”

His mandibles flared before he spoke. “Part of me really believed seeing him dead would make up for every life he cost, but somehow I don’t think it worked.” He sighed. “But I suppose you knew that from hunting down your parents’ murderer… That’s why you tried to stop me, I know. But one more man is dead, and we go about our day as usual.” He brought a hand up to run along his crest. "We have the Collectors to worry about, and now I have you to worry about." 

“Revenge isn’t everything, Garrus.”

“Maybe, especially when you don’t get a good fuck out of it – uh, sorry. Too soon?” He said as she shot him a furtive look. 

“All right, get out,” she said as she pulled herself from his arms, “I need a damn shower.”

Shepard stepped into the steaming shower and faced the full length mirror, seeing her injuries in full relief for the first time in a day. The bite mark on her neck was the least shocking, next to the pinpoint hemorrhages on her skin everywhere that he shocked her with his biotics. She gingerly touched bruises on her upper thigh. Four points matched those on her other thigh, where he had gripped her in the shower. Her muscles ached - from that night or from the stress of Garrus's mission, she did not know, likely a mix of both. When she got out, she'd apply some Medigel to the bite mark, but there wasn't much she could do for the bruising. As she stared, her image faded away as the small room filled with steam. She closed her eyes and stretched her arms up over her head under the hot water, the stress of the day stripping from her bones, and her lips stretched in a satisfied smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> \- Garrus and Shepard are returning from killing Sidonis when he discovers Shepard's injuries.  
> \- Garrus confronts Thane in front of the Normandy's crew.  
> \- Shepard talks with Garrus in her cabin and they comfort each other.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No TW for this chapter.

She decided the next couple days would be spent mostly alone, catching up on intel from the Illusive Man, planning their approach to retrieving the Reaper IFF, cleaning and tuning up her recently neglected armor. It wasn’t unusual for her to become recluse for days at a time, and her crew were good about leaving her to it. Yeoman Chambers would notify her private terminal should anything require her attention. She wanted to avoid them seeing her injuries until they were less noticeable… She knew she needed to avoid Thane. Flight and fire drove her desire to bring him up to her cabin again, but she needed time to consider the entire situation. As far as the very public altercation between Garrus and Thane, EDI had reported none of the crew had traced its reasoning back to her, and it was just a brawl between to alpha males. 

Garrus brought her meals a few times a day, always with the same look of mild disgust on his face as he served her levo-based foods. He often stayed with her while she ate, making sure to check in with her, sometimes expressing deep-seeded anxieties about Sidonis. If anything, he was a distraction from both her conflict around Thane and the work she needed to get done. His grounded presence did nothing less than make her want to curl up with him and forget about the Collectors, Cerberus, the Reapers. 

Even with him it was difficult to explain her thoughts around Thane. She often stumbled on words, dancing around those terms like _abuse_ , _rape_ , _denial_ that she knew would send him into a furious rage. She sacrificed the chair, but there were only so many things she could replace on her limited budget before questions were asked. She hadn’t fully admitted to Garrus that she still planned to go back to him, to follow through with her commitment to absolve his inner turmoil… ultimately to submit herself to more… torture? She felt her lower regions squirm in protest. _Okay, not torture_. She became very conscious of thinking too deeply around Garrus, painfully aware he could easily smell when she became aroused.

It seemed right to call Kolyat and explain herself better… or at all. When his holo image appeared before her in her cabin, she couldn’t help but smile a little. She couldn’t deny, the youthful Drell _was_ quite attractive.

“Shepard, it’s good to see you again.” His grin was big. It was so unlike his father.

“Hey, Kolyat, you too.” She ran fingers through her hair before continuing. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know about the other night… I had a really great time, but… it can’t happen again. They were just some poorly-placed feelings and I don’t like that I pulled you into it.”

  
“Shepard, I know my father is a complicated man. I also know he is very grateful for what you have done for him since he joined your team. Don’t worry, we’re okay.” He laughed. “I appreciate you giving me a damn good story to tell the C-Sec guys.”

“Kolyat.”

“— I’m just kidding, Shepard.”

“Call me if you need anything. Really. And maybe call your father occasionally, I think it’s good for both of you.”

“I will. See ya.”

“Wait, Kolyat?” He looked back up at here. “I heard a Drell word recently… from some old Hanar scripts. Do you know what _Ira’na_ means?”

He hesitated a moment.

“It means _She Who Submits to Darkness_.”

Shepard shut the holo down and stared.

* * *

The morning of their next assignment, Garrus appeared at her cabin, dressed in newly polished armor. They shared a quiet elevator ride together, then met up with Tali in the Shuttle Bay. The mission was thankfully uneventful. A handful of xeno-anthropologists were trapped at a base in the Hades Gamma system by some rogue Geth. Tali’s new drone mod was extremely successful in disabling most of the basic troops, apart from a few Primes, which required a more tactful approach. Their ride back on the Kodiak felt just like old times – good friends joking together after a successful mission, Shepard almost forgetting the dark secret she held back on the Normandy. It felt good bringing Tali along on a mission, it had been a while, and she had missed her genuine character and unmatched technical expertise.

She made her post-mission rounds, checking in with each of her crew members for the first time that week. Mordin received intel that a former student of his needed to be pulled off Tuchanka, so they’d be heading there after Purgatory. Engineer Daniels requested she purchase some hardware supposedly found in the Omega markets. Otherwise, everyone seemed to be doing all right for the moment. Except…

She saved Life Support for last.

Heart pounding out her chest, she approached its entrance apprehensively. It felt like ages before the doors slid open after she triggered them with her Omni-Tool. Thane sat with his back to her, obviously in meditation, and did not turn as she entered. She sat herself in front of him and waited patiently for him to finish before speaking.

His eyes opened and looked up at her, hands pressed to his lips.

“I need to talk to you, Thane.”

“As you wish.”

She took a breath before continuing.

“I’m scared… You scare me. I find myself dangerously attracted to you, but you have done nothing but given me both the best and worst of feelings. I want to help you, but for me to continue… I need to better understand what you’re going through.”

Impassive.

“I have been thinking about my condition, what I am experiencing.”

Shepard sat in silence, patiently awaiting his next word.

“I was ripped from my family at a young age, never given a chance as the Hanar honed my body into the perfect weapon. For so many years I have been nothing more than an extension of their will, I lost my family because of it, I only lived as a partial man because of it… and then I met you.”

Silence.

“Your resilience in the face of danger inspired me to find my own path in life, but it did not come without consequence. I find myself… instantiated.”

She peered at him curiously. “It sounds like you’re going through puberty.”

He gave her a puzzled look.

“Puberty. It’s, uh, when a Human youth finds their individual purpose in life. It’s a time that involves a lot of angst.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s an approximation of what I have been feeling.” He interlaced his fingers in front of his face. “For so long, I have had no control over my life, my body, my mind. I was victim to the will of my employers, and nothing more. Joining this ship has given me a new purpose, but with it I crave the accumulation of control I was denied my entire life.” 

“Well, that’s a lot more words than you had for me before.”

“I have been seeking council with Samara. She has been greatly important in sorting through my feelings.”

Shepard swallowed, her chest tightening. “Samara… She knows about this?” Her faced flushed thinking of the Justicar witnessing his deadly-accurate recounts of their night together. She would know more about what happened than Shepard… “Why couldn’t you have talked to me about it? I told you I want to help.”

“And you have, Siha, without you I would have not reconnected with my own blood and newly realized the importance of family… but Samara has lived nearly a millennium and seen much more than either you or me. She said I am not the first Drell she has seen struggle with this… affliction.”

“What did she say?” Shepard’s voice was barely a whisper now.

“It will be long and difficult.” 

Shepard reached up and pulled his hands down to rest on the table with hers. Opening his palm, she traced along scales with a fingertip, her mind grappling with his words. The fingers of his other hand slid along hers and wrapped around her wrist, exactly where her skin was bruised in their shadow. She winced in anticipation, but his grip was delicate and protective, he did not pull her anywhere or pin her. She was still able to articulate her wrist and draw lines across his palm. They sat in silence for many moments.

Only a few more words were said between them, and none of them with a clear next step to resolve Thane’s darkness.

_We have a treatment, and we’ll find a cure_ , Shepard thought, cold glass meeting her back and hands dragging up her thighs as Thane pushed her against the window facing the drive core. He slid into her forcefully, her walls stretching and retorting without enough lubrication, and she hissed in pain. He thrust into her repeatedly without forgiveness, ignoring her body's resistance. 

She leaned down and captured his mouth with hers, the only amount of control she could think to steal from him. If she were going to submit to venom, at least it could be pleasurable to her as well. Smooth, cold lips gave in immediately, allowing her tongue entrance and reciprocating hungrily. And soon, prisms of color washed over her and she sank happily into abyss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> \- Shepard keeps busy out of the gaze of her crew and Garrus continues to check in with her.  
> \- Shepard speaks with Kolyat about their night together and discovers an unsettling detail.  
> \- After returning from an assignment in the Hades Gamma system, Shepard approaches Thane again.


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard stood in front of the bathroom mirror, dressed apart from her uniform top, tracing fingers along newly emerged bruises and bite marks from the night before. She had soaped herself aggressively, then showered again, in hopes of masking any scent on her skin. There were no memories after she had kissed Thane, but she assumed he had carried her to her chambers as she had woken in her own bed this morning… after whatever happened, happened.

Her stomach squirmed uncomfortably.

“Damn,” she said to herself, applying Medigel to some of the worst lesions. The older ones were only just disappearing and now they were replaced anew, bright and proud. She worried the ship’s crew would begin to notice if she became careless, she couldn’t keep disappearing for days on end. What if she started sparring every day with Garrus again? That might justify the bruising, at least. The marks would especially become an issue if she were to require treatment from Dr. Chakwas. That was a discussion she was not prepared to have.

Pulling on her shirt, she carefully rolled its sleeves down to her wrists as far as they would reach. She ran fingers through her damp hair one more time, grabbed her datapad from her desk, and headed to the lower deck.

As usual, she was the first one to arrive at the Comm Room for briefing. She focused her attention in reading once more through the dossier, hardly looking up as Garrus, Jacob, Miranda, Samara, Tali, and Grunt arrived and arranged themselves in their usual configuration around the conference table. She braced herself as Garrus stood at her side, prepared for him to react to any possible leftover Drell scent on her, but he was as stoic as ever… Until Thane arrived with the last of her squad. Without looking at Garrus, she could feel him physically tense at the Drell’s arrival.

“Okay,” she said quickly, drawing their collective attention to her before anything could escalate. “Our team is about to get one bigger.” The holo of the Normandy fizzled at a tap to her datapad and become the image of a large starship. “Subject Zero is a an extremely powerful biotic currently residing on Purgatory in the Osun system. We’re arriving there early tomorrow to retrieve them.”

“Purgatory… I’ve heard of that somewhere.” Tali said slowly.

Zaeed let out a harsh laugh. “Yeah, ‘cos it’s only the highest security prison in the galaxy, innit?”

Tali turned her gaze sharply to Shepard. “Keelah… who is this biotic, Shepard? Is this safe?” 

“They are someone Cerberus considers to be an important asset against the Collectors, but they have a criminal history.”

“Spirits, who doesn’t these days?” Garrus mumbled. Grunt chortled.

Shepard continued, “We don’t have much intel on Subject Zero’s current condition or stability, so it’s important we prepare for a rough introduction. Until we better assess them, I want you all on high guard and do not provide any access to the ship’s systems without my express orders. We will have a mass effect suspension ready in the Shuttle Bay should things go to hell. I need Garrus and Jacob on the ground with me. I expect we’ll be seeing a lot of Turians, and it will go smoother to have a Cerberus troop with us.” The two nodded.

“Samara and Miranda, I need you both fresh and prepared to use your biotics when we return to the ship.” Two more nods.

Shepard kept the remaining details brief, excusing her team with orders to get enough rest.

“Krios.”

Ah, fuck. 

Garrus’s voice was low and vicious, stopping Thane before he exited the Comm Room. The doors closed behind Mordin, leaving the three of them alone. Without another beat, Garrus lunged forward, grabbing Thane by the collar and driving him against the wall.

“What the fuck, Garrus?” Shepard ran over to the pair, her hands starting to glow blue in preparation. Garrus was growling inches from Thane, who remained perfectly calm in the face of the Turian. He could have easily dodged the attack, he allowed this to happen.

“Don’t think I can’t smell him on you, Shepard!” Garrus was shaking with suppressed rage, talons pushing dangerously close to Thane’s neck as he tightened his grip. “You, Krios, do you think I’m going to allow you to lay a hand on my CO without consequence? You’re a sadistic fuck, and I don’t appreciate you making it _our_ problem.”

Thane spoke with evenness, “I would ask that you release me so we may discuss this as men. I would prefer that I didn’t have to hurt you.”

Garrus’s grip tightened more, then he let out a roar and let go of Thane, who deftly landed on his feet. Shepard was frozen in her spot as Garrus stepped back, making sure to stand between her and Thane. He was breathing hard and both hands were balled in tight fists.

“All right. Explain yourself.” He ordered.

“I recognize Shepard plays a significant role in your life, as she does in mine.”

“Doesn’t give you the right to stick your dick where no one asked for it.” Garrus growled.

“And as with you, I have found that my purpose beyond defeating the Collectors is to protect Shepard from harm. I have found myself in a dark time of transformation and she has become an integral part of the process… but I regret the pain it has brought her.”

“Find a different solution, because she doesn’t want a part in your mess.”

“No!” Shepard snapped out of her head and sidestepped Garrus to stand between them. His eyes snapped to hers and she thought she could see him twitch, as if he wanted to grab her and throw her back behind him. “Garrus, you don’t speak for me. This is more complicated than you, or I, will be able to understand, but it is important. I am so grateful that you have my back, but I also need you to trust me. I’m sorry, I should have said this to you earlier, but I think… _I think I want this._ ” Her voice was hard but she wavered ever so slightly on the final few words.

Garrus stared at her, mouth plates parted in shock, growl silenced. A long moment of silence passed before he whispered, “but he’s hurting you.”

“If I were afraid of getting hurt, even of dying, I don’t think I would have made it this far. Actually, I think it’s a monumental lack of self-preservation on part of all of us that is the reason why we are here.”

“Well said,” commented Thane from behind her. Garrus shot him a nasty look over her head.

Speaking slowly, Garrus said, “We are all here because of Shepard. I’ve owed her my life time and time again, and I will never respect another damned being like I respect her. So, Krios, if I see so much as a tear on her face because of you,” His voice dropped an interval, “I will make sure you’ll be awake as I throw each one of your organs out the airlock.”

Thane clasped hands behind his back and nodded curtly. He turned and left the room without another word. 

Garrus’s chest heaved as he stared after the Drell. Shepard reached out to place her hand against his mandible.

“Garrus, I –”

The look he gave her burned with a mix of fury and deep sadness. He stepped passed her and left without another word.

* * *

Back in her cabin, Shepard sat down at her private terminal and began to type out a message.

_Liara,_

_If you have a few moments to talk, please call me._

_Shepard_

It was only moments later that her omni-tool began to vibrate, and with a swipe of its interface, Liara was projected before her.

“Liara, I didn’t expect you to respond _this_ quickly.”

When she spoke, it was fast and unsmiling; it still unsettled Shepard. “I only have a few moments, is everything okay, Shepard?”

“Things are… complicated. Liara, are you sure you can’t work remotely on the Normandy? I miss having you around.”

Liara took a deep breath. “I can’t leave Ilium until I tie up loose ends, but you can always come see me here. Shepard, you sound troubled.”

“You know that Drell assassin I picked up last time Nos Astra? He’s… going through some stuff, and my involvement seems to really be hurting Garrus… I’m not sure if it’s also hurting me.”

Her voice softening, she said, “Garrus only saw C-Sec-instilled black and white before he came under your command, and now he relies almost entirely on you for moral guidance. I heard about the things he did on Omega as Archangel after you died. They were often… convoluted. I’m sure he will always struggle with anything that risks him losing you again. Be patient with him.” She took in a breath. "As for you, I would hope you know to care for yourself."

Shepard rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand and sighed. Liara was right of course, there was no way to proceed with Thane without risking both her and Garrus’s wellbeing. As much as it was her responsibility to follow through with her commitment to Thane, it was also her responsibility to support Garrus.

"Shepard, do you... care for the Drell?" Shepard could hear her trepidation and her stomach knotted. 

"Yeah... I think I do."

"I see."

“I’ll come see you soon, Liara, I promise. Please tell me if you will let me help you with the Shadow Broker.”

Her voice was hard again. Yes, Shepard,” and the holo went dark.

* * *

“Garrus.”

He was tapping away at the large monitor at the center of the Battery and didn’t turn to greet her.

“Hey,” she stepped insistently between him and the monitor, forcing him to cease working. He looked up at her and she could see a wilted tired in his eyes... Did Turians cry?

She adopted a Commander-tone and said, “Are you going to be in shape for Purgatory tomorrow, or do I need to bench you?”

He shoulders tensed and mouth plates tightened at her suggestion. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t need to be fine, Garrus. I understand why this is hurting you,” his mandibles flared, “and when you hurt, I feel it, too. I care so much for you, Garrus, and there’s no one else I can trust more with my life. I know it feels like I’m throwing that out the window by being involved with Thane.”

He shook his head. “I don’t understand it. You’re letting yourself be harmed by him to help him with his personal problem.”

“I care about him, Garrus, and I want him to be well. Apart from that, I think he will be a much more effective asset against the Collectors if he isn’t fighting an internal battle. That’s also why Dr. Chakwas is using our resources to aid his Kepral’s Syndrome. It’s why we took time out of our schedule to hunt down Sidonis, because you needed that off your plate. Sometimes sacrifices are necessary when we look at the forest for the trees.”

Garrus’s eyebrow plates furrowed in confusion. “Forest for the –”

“Look at the bigger picture.” Said Shepard.

“Yeah, guess that’s always been my problem.” His arms encircled her and pulled her close to his torso, an awkward gesture considering his bulky armor, but she knew he understood what this meant between Humans. “I really fucking hate to say it, but you seem like you might be enjoying it. Sometimes I just want to shove wax in my olfactory ducts. It shouldn’t be surprising, I guess we always knew you were a bit of a sadist.” She chuckled in appreciation of his dry humor.

“I know, I might be discovering a knew kink,” she said, smiling slightly. “Isn’t sex between Turians basically hand-to-hand combat? Why is it any different for us?”

“Because Turians are built for it, you Humans are as soft as day-old Hanar.”

“Yeah, well this day-old jelly can kick your ass without all the tentacles, I’ll show you after the mission.”

Her heart warmed as he laughed heartedly. 

* * *

Retrieving Subject Zero didn’t go as planned. The for-profit prison decided that betraying Cerberus was worth it to capture Commander Shepard. She, Garrus, and Jacob fought their way towards the maximum-security wing, depending heavily on Jacob’s biotic shields until they reached Subject Zero’s cryo chamber.

That’s when they discovered that Subject Zero was just a child.

“Spirits, Shepard, I thought we were picking up a dangerous biotic. This… she’s a _kid_.” Garrus’s voice was strained, having been dragged into the control booth after hearing an ominous crack in his left hock.

The girl’s eyes flew open and she looked around at approaching mechs, then up at Shepard, before blasting her way out of her restraints.

“Fuck, we need to get down there!” Yelled Jacob and he ran out of the booth.

Shepard touched a finger to her comm piece. “Joker, we need evac _immediately_! Garrus is hurt and the convict is loose. We’ve been betrayed.”

She threw her shoulder under Garrus’s arm and supported his weight as they followed Jacob. At the bottom of the stairs, they found their soldier standing over three mechs, all completely decimated.

Jacob said in shock, “She took them out… Holy shit.”

The three made their way towards the Docking Bay. Shepard found she was still able to use her other hand for her biotics while carrying Garrus, but they were hardly needed. In each hall they entered the floors were strewn with dead Blue Suns troops and other prisoners, but not Subject Zero.

As they rushed towards the bridge, they spotted the small figure through its many windows, running towards the docked Normandy. Shepard’s back strained under Garrus’s immense weight, and even with Jacob’s help they were much slower than the child. They turned the corner into the last hallway and saw at its end, Subject Zero standing in the intersection that would take her straight to the Normandy. She appeared frozen, staring directly at the ship’s side… at the Cerberus insignia.

“Wait!” Shepard yelled, the girl turned, but it was a mistake. The Warden appeared from the other corridor and as she was distracted brought his gun up to her temple.

Shepard saw no other option. She slid out from under Garrus’s arm, letting him fall to the ground, and sprinted the length of the hallway, biotics charging down her arms. As she approached, she unleashed a shockwave and both the girl and the Warden went flying into the bridge’s wall, knocking them unconscious.

She approached the two, still panting, and scooped the girl into her arms. She looked back down the hall at Jacob who was now supporting Garrus alone as they approached her.

“I’m going to take her onto the Normandy,” She called to them. “When you get here, put a bullet in this asshole’s head.” She nudged the downed Turian with her boot.

* * *

“EDI, notify Samara and Miranda that I’m aboard and heading down to the Shuttle Bay. Have Dr. Chakwas meet us there, I need a scan on Subject Zero.” Shepard spoke generally towards the ceiling of the ship as she carried the girl through the CIC towards the elevator, knowing full well that EDI would be able to hear her no matter where she looked. “Restrict access to the lower deck to essential personnel only until I say otherwise.”

“Understood, Shepard.”

Elevator doors opened onto the Shuttle Bay. Equipment had been rearranged to make space for a large metal frame, a biotic lattice that would sustain a mass effect suspension. Shepard stepped into the frame and placed the girl gently on the ground.

“Go! Set it up.” She ordered Samara and Miranda, both of which were frozen, clear shock in their faces. When they hesitated, she said, “I’ll explain once she’s in the suspension!” Miranda nodded and lifted the girl with her biotics until she hovered feet off the ground, then Samara established the lattice with hers. When Miranda withdrew, the girl’s body remained suspended in a bright blue web of energy. Even when she woke, she wouldn’t be able to free herself.

“Oh my, Shepard!” Dr. Chakwas had just stepped out of the elevator and now stood with them in front of the frame. “This is not what I expected.”

“We need to get her status, can you run scans on her?” said Shepard.

Dr. Chakwas stepped up to the frame, holding her omni-tool above her at the level of the young girl’s head and drawing it slowly towards her feet. She observed its interface for a moment before saying, “She’s fine, ultimately, besides a very mild concussion. Though there’s a lot to unpack here. I’ll send you a report when I’ve had more time to process the data. Shepard, what happened down there?”

“We were compromised. The Warden decided to take me prisoner and keep her, and she wiped out the entire prison nearly single-handedly… We thought we were retrieving an adult.” She turned to Miranda. “Did you know this was going to happen?”

“Shepard, I knew nothing about this, I swear. I was under the same impression as you, and based on her extensive record, I could only assume she was older.” Miranda’s eyes were locked on the girl, shock still etched on her face, now accompanied by concern.

“It says from my scan that she’s sixteen years old.” Dr. Chakwas was still flicking through her omni-tool.

“Fuck. Okay, Dr. Chakwas, thank you. I need you to head back up to the Med Bay, I think Garrus sustained a bad fracture. I’ll be up shortly to check in on him.” The Doctor nodded and turned to leave.

Adrenaline in her body finally dwindling, Shepard could now take in the image of Zero. Her entire body was covered in tattoo and piercings, many occluding extensive scarring on her arms, back, and neck. Her head was shaved, and she was dressed in a very old, overlarge and ripped jumpsuit. She was obviously youthful, but Shepard could see the hurt and anger of a seasoned soldier in her face. 

Addressing Miranda and Samara again, she said, “I want a guard down here at all hours and I want to know the second she wakes up. Have Dr. Chakwas continue scans every few hours. If there’s an issue with the mass effect suspense, I want both of you down here immediately.” They nodded.

In the elevator, Shepard leaned her head back against its wall, mind reeling. She’s a _child_ , a child in a maximum-security ward, imprisoned in a cryo chamber. At sixteen, Shepard was a naïve colonist child with innocent dreams of enlisting and traveling off world one day. The most harm she was capable of was capable of was breaking the arm of another boy when she caught him assaulting a girl at party, nothing that would earn her jailtime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> \- The team briefs the Purgatory mission, then Garrus confronts and threatens Thane  
> \- Shepard seeks advice from Liara, who tells her to support Garrus  
> \- Subject Zero turned out to be just a child


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Non/con elements

The following hours seemed to drag on and on, as if invisible hands were pulling back on Shepard and slowing down time. No matter what she was doing, she couldn’t help but count each of the seconds waiting for Zero to wake. She had gone straight to the Med Bay and arrived as Dr. Chakwas was pulling off Garrus’s armor, revealing an obviously shattered thigh and broken plates, but luckily no broken skin.

Dr. Chakwas read off her omni-tool, “Closed comminuted fracture, seems to be aseptic, no torn tendons. Turians heal quite quickly, I’ll splint you up and you should be fit and fighting in no time, Garrus.” He nodded in her direction, but his eyes were upon Shepard as she approached him. He motioned for her to sit next to him on the bed, which she took with relief.

They discussed the mission, Subject Zero, as Garrus had his leg placed in a splint. Much to his dislike, he wouldn’t be able to wear his armor until the bones had started to fuse, which meant no missions and limited to wearing his fatigues around the ship for a while.

“Shep, I wanted to tell you something,” Garrus said as Dr. Chakwas left to her quarters for the night.

“What is it?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “I plan to take shore leave next time we’re on the Citadel. Just for a few days. I didn’t think I would be needed for Tuchanka, but now I’ll just be downright mad watching you go on missions knowing I couldn’t if I wanted to.”

She nodded, ultimately understanding but not without some disappointment. “We can head there next, we’re due for a supply pickup. Do you want me to stay with you?”

“Thanks, but I’ll be okay.” He placed a digit under her chin, lifting her face towards him. “If Krios hurts you while I’m gone, I give you permission to use my biggest gun on him.”

She mocked astonishment. “Wow, I _never_ thought I would get to touch Archangel’s gun. I must be pretty important, or you must really hate Thane.”

“Little bit of both.” He smiled.

* * *

They arrived at the Citadel half a standard-day later, and they were able to pick up some much-needed rations and medical supplies. As Garrus was still a bit unsteady on his splinted leg, Shepard decided to at least help him get to his accommodations.

“Garrus, where are we going?” Shepard asked, as the taxi drove into an unfamiliar part of the Citadel. It was far and away from the usual lower-end hostels taken up by military on leave, she thought they were much closer to the luxury tourist district. Despite having spent much time on the Citadel, it had almost entirely been restricted to the Wards and Diplomatic sectors.

“An old friend set me up with his place... to return a favor.” She could hear the twinge of a lie in voice but chose not to pursue it.

The taxi pulled into a small port fronting a large complex and Shepard helped pull Garrus onto the dock. Immediately, an Asari in a bellhop uniform approached and offered to take his bag, then escorted them into a large and elaborate lobby. Orbs of many-colored lights floated around the ceiling, reflecting prisms off the metallic walls and floors. Soft, beautiful music seemed to emanate from the air around them. Another Asari, dressed in a suit of serene sky blue greeted them from behind a plinth and motioned them towards the elevator.

The lift doors opened directly onto an expansive flat, and Shepard’s jaw dropped. Large, two-story windows opened onto the colorful city below, casting its light onto a beautifully decorated seating area sunk a few steps into the floor. Spiral stairs ascended to a loft above them, where she could see the edge of a bar.

“Garrus, what the fuck?”

“… It was a big favor.” He murmured, seeming to be in shock himself.

She helped him bring his pack into the upstairs bedroom, which held a king-sized bed and a bathroom so large that it had a hot tub. Upon more exploration, she found that also upstairs was a kitchen fit for a catalog, and off the main entrance was a room with a long conference table, much like the one in the Normandy’s Comm Room.

“Hey Shepard, why don’t you stay for a drink?” Garrus said, reading the bottles on the bar as he ran a talon along their labels.

One drink turned into many, Garrus continuously insistent that Shepard needed to have some fun for once, but she thought he might be secretly glad for her time away from Thane. Before long, Shepard was throwing fatigues onto the bathroom floor as she invited herself to the foamy hot tub. A lifetime of military service meant she had never been in a jacuzzi in her life, and her intoxicated brain was all too excited for the opportunity.

Garrus hesitated to join her, and was openly scrutinizing her rounded, squishy body as she revealed more skin. He never missed an opportunity to loudly wonder how Humans got so far in the galaxy with no semblance of external protection, like his Turian plates. She often reminded him that most Humans in the military were much more fit and hardened compared to the average citizen in the colonies, whose lifestyles didn’t require it. Ultimately, she was just glad he didn’t bring up her now fully exposed array of bruises and bites.

“Shut up and get in, Garrus.” She ordered in her best Commander voice.

He placed his bottle on the vanity and began to pull off his suit, carefully peeling it from around his splinted leg. Somehow Shepard didn’t find his naked body all that surprising. Much like the leg she saw in the Med Bay, the rest of his body was covered in grayish hide and reticulated plates. His hips were even smaller without clothing, blunted by very angular hip bones. Male Turians had no external genitalia, but she noticed two plates concealing what may be an opening to whatever reproductive anatomy he has. 

A long sigh hissed through his teeth as he lowered himself into the hot water and settled himself into the seat next to Shepard.

“Kind of cold, don’t you think?” he asked.

“Yeah, well if we kicked it up to your ideal temperature, I’d boil.” Shepard retorted, tapping her bottle against his. They both drank deeply, her face warming to match the water around her. All of her senses tingled in a strange way that she could only compare to the experience of being lightly under venom, and it stirred something low in her stomach. The feeling of absent inhibitions. 

“So, what do you plan to do while you’re here?”

“I haven’t been to the Silversun Strip in a while, the tourist district close by. Last time, I wasn’t old enough to compete in the Combat Simulator. It was a brief visit while visiting my dad before I joined C-Sec.”

She laughed. “You’re taking a vacation from shooting enemies by shooting holo enemies?”

“Yes, but these ones spout prize tokens,” he was also laughing.

“What did you last time you visited? I thought the strip was mostly bars and gambling, that’s not very kid-friendly.”

“It is. So, while my dad was getting drunk off his ass, I was getting into trouble with a handsome Turian boy I met.” His mouth plates parted in a grin, reacting to the memory. “He thought I was watching matches at Armax Arena all day, when I was actually getting drunk and rolling around on the rooftops.”

Shepard was smiling, too, surprised but happy to hear that this Turian was once such a rebellious teen before becoming the by-the-books cop she had met on the Citadel. He had come so far and Liara was right, he needed her so much. She needed him more. She reached her arm out of the water, goosebumps rising with the sudden change in temperature, and brought fingers to his mandible. He allowed her, probably under influence of alcohol, to trace fingers back along his jaw - rough bark on tingly skin. Where face plates ended, dark grey-pink hide emerged and wrapped under his fringe, one of very few exposed areas on Turian bodies... it felt unusually soft and inviting...

A deep rumble emanated from Garrus's chest, followed by a sharp intake of breath and wide eyes. Her hand froze under his fringe, this new sound taking her entirely by surprise. 

"What was _that_ noise?" 

"Uh," he coughed loudly, "That's actually a pretty... sensitive area, Shepard." 

Her arm rapidly retracted back into the water, the smile returning to her face with realization. That wasn't just any sound, that was an _arousal_ sound, one that he couldn't hide from even her blunt Human senses. Never had it to occurred to her that Turians might have erogenous zones, it wasn't something she ever considered in a species that lives and dies in armor. She was giggling, warm and bubbly like the water around her and the drink in her hand, only spurred on by his clear embarrassment. 

She said, "Fuck, I'm sorry! But consider this a return for everything I can't hide from you and your nose," to which he responded by splashing her with water. 

The next hour was spent talking and laughing about past loves, past fucks, and even admitting their regular Fornax searches. Garrus recounted the Turian female he was courting until he left C-Sec to join the Normandy, with whom he cut ties completely after becoming Archangel. She never had any real long-term relationship to speak of, only the occasional hook-up at port during shore leaves. She didn’t bring up her complicated past with Liara, Garrus was already very familiar with that story.

He brought a talon to her neck and with its pad touched a particularly bright bite mark imprinted there. He scowled and said nothing, and she didn’t invite it. They were having such a good night, she didn’t want to soil it by discussing the bite, which would inevitably lead to the many more _suggestive_ lesions lower down on her body.

“I should head back to the Normandy,” Shepard said, stepping out of the tub and grabbing for a towel. They got dressed in silence and Garrus followed her to the top of the spiral staircase, unwilling and incapable of scaling it intoxicated on top of a broken leg.

She placed a hand on his mandible and wished him a good leave, promising to be back in three days to pick him up. Also promising to keep herself safe while he was gone. 

* * *

The taxi ride and subsequent walk along the Docking Bay, into the Normandy, and up to her quarters was not kind to her in her buzzed state. Finally reaching her familiar bed, she collapsed on it fully clothed.

She had none but platonic feelings for Garrus but seeing his naked body in a tub with hers gave her a craving for release. It was to her surprise that instead of reaching for her datapad, she chose to pull up the comm function of her omni-tool.

“Hey, I’m sorry it’s late. Do you want to come up?” She said breathlessly.

“If you are certain, Siha.”

Minutes later, her chamber doors slid open and revealed Thane behind them. She hadn’t moved, still on her back with knees draped over the bed’s edge, looking straight up at the ceiling. Even just hearing his quiet breathing made her heart start to rage against her chest. As he drew closer, she heard him sniff the air.

Before he could say anything, she said, “Yeah, I’m drunk. I spent the night with Garrus on the Citadel before his leave. Is that going to be a problem again?”

She felt the mattress compress as he pressed one knee between her legs and then his body was over hers. Fingers ran through her damp hair, making her skin tingle, and she felt his other hand working to unfasten his pants. He was already breathless.

“Not this time.”

His pants were off, then all of her clothes, then biotics were scattering painfully across her abdomen. Eyes darkened and lips parted, his face inches away from her. One hand pinned her arms above her head, and he thrust his shaft between her folds, precisely as to not rub her clit. Her body fought to reap the orgasm she craved from this withholding stimulation, to find her finish without his permission. She wanted so badly to shift her hips against his but feared his punishment for seeking her own pleasure.

“Thane, tell me what you want.” Her voice was weak and lustful as she spoke. She gasped as he stung her thigh with biotics. They were both breathing hard, grunts and moans, moving chests, making it difficult to speak. Every time she cried from his shocks he seemed to grow a little darker. He had not given her venom yet.

“I wish to control you.”

“You have that,” she panted, her eyes starting to water. “You need more than this.”

“I want…” he stalled.

_He stalled_. For the first time, it seemed he did not have the answer. Black eyes bore into hers, lips parted slightly, brow bones furrowed as if she was seeing a knot work itself out in his mind. Shepard could feel pain searing in her contorted and pinned shoulders, her frustration growing unbearable, biotics unceasing on her skin, and he had still not given her venom. There was no sweet release from the pain, but he seemed to be on the verge of something, so she held on.

“Thane… tell me.”

A flash of bright light from the corner. “Shepard, an unauthorized crew member has entered the Shuttle Bay.”

EDI’s voice was unexpected and jarring.

“No…” she implored as Thane’s eyes cleared, his hips no longer thrusting against her. They were silent apart from harsh breathing, Shepard's eyes wide in horror. She hoped if she stayed still, they could return, just as if she were woken too early from a dream. Though an ignorable part of her brain rattled with the knowledge of an intruder in the lower deck.

Thane released her arms, carefully guiding them to flex to a natural position. He slid off the bid, again reminding her of his strange reptilian nature, and began to dress himself. Shepard sat up on the bed, her head was spinning, throbbing, and all her muscles felt weak and used. Her sex ached, screamed at her to remain here and seek release on her own, but there wasn’t time. Everything felt so much worse without venom and sleep to allow recovery. He offered a hand to her, which she took gratefully, and with an extended arm provided balance as she pulled on her fatigues.

“Thane, come with me… I might need you down there.” Her voice was strained.

“As you wish, Siha.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> \- Garrus has a badly fractured leg and requests leave on the Citadel  
> \- Shepard and Garrus spend a night drinking in his hotel on the Citadel  
> \- Shepard invites Thane up to her quarters, but are interrupted by an intruder in the Shuttle Bay


	8. Chapter 8

There was no hiding Shepard’s unusually disheveled appearance, face flushed and shiny with sweat, pupils dilated, hair unkept despite her attempts to tame it with her hands as they stood in the elevator. She would just have to hope that whomever she was about to encounter wouldn’t notice.

As soon as the elevator opened onto the dark Shuttle Bay, she jogged to the corner where the mass effect suspension held Zero. There, standing in front of the frame, lit only dimly by the mass effect field, was…

“Zaeed,” Shepard said, too softly for anyone but Thane to hear. Something was odd about his appearance, making him almost unrecognizable in the bleak light. It was then that Shepard realized he unarmed, and what’s more, he wasn’t wearing any armor at all.

Shepard stepped to stand at his side and cleared her throat.

“Oh, bloody hell,” he started as he turned to her.

“Zaeed, you don’t have clearance to be here.” She kept her voice low, curiosity about his visit overpowering her immediate need to discipline.

“No excuse, Commander,” he huffed. “‘ad to come see ‘er for myself.” He turned back to look at the girl. His face softened in a way Shepard had never seen in the bounty hunter. For lack of a better word, his features were… _kind_. “She looks like she’s been through ‘ell.” 

Shepard said, “You seem more interested in her than I would have thought.”

Then her brain whirred to a sudden conclusion, a possibility she never stopped to consider in this man. No armor, no weapons, plain white shirt and cargo pants covering his many tattoos and scars. He had stripped away his intimidating outer shell. In the corner of her eye, she saw Thane excuse himself with a nod and disappear into the shadows, understanding that he was not needed.

“Zaeed… do you have a daughter?”

He brought a hand to his face and thumbed his nose uncomfortably. “ _Did_. Died years ago. She’s better off, isn’t she? Better than going through this damned world where this shit is done to kids.”

“I’m sorry,” Shepard whispered. He didn’t respond for a long moment.

He looked back at Shepard. “Let me stay here, she’ll be safer with me than with that dumb bloke you assigned. I’ll bring my cot down.”

“That’s… fine. Yeah.” She paused. “I still want to know the moment she wakes up. You can notify EDI. Zero will probably be scared and angry, so don’t threaten her, and don’t let her believe she’s imprisoned.” He nodded in response.

Shepard turned to leave, placing a hand on his shoulder only briefly before walking out of the Shuttle Bay.

Her sheets felt extremely welcoming on her skin as she became painfully cognizant of new injuries and sore muscles. She was almost entirely sober at this point, apart from a slight heaviness in her forehead, helped by the excitement of the evening. It seems like it was yesterday that she was naked and neck-deep in a hot tub with Garrus.

Sitting up, she turned onto her knees and pulled her oversized pillow between her legs. One hand braced against the headboard, the other gripped her thigh as hard as she could. Her hips worked into the pillow, its stiff edge slid between her folds, and within moments she was breathing hard, building towards the release she’d been denied.

She imagined anonymous, cold hands pinning hers to the wall, steaming water burning her body and laughs echoing off stone walls; sharp edges and soft bodies wrapped around her, forbidding her from moving. She bit her lip hard over strained moans as waves overcame her until she slumped against the headboard. 

Fuck, she definitely had a new kink.

* * *

Shepard’s ears popped as the airlock pressurized around her, grateful for filtered air to breathe after a long day on the ground. After discovering Maelon’s research on Tuchanka, they were all left speechless and a bit mortified and had returned to the Normandy in silence. Even Mordin wasn’t mumbling a constant stream of hypotheses and reasonings as they waited for the ship’s inner doors to open.

Her first inclination after a mission like this was usually to find Garrus and debrief with him, his matter-of-fact tone providing her some amount of comfort. But he wouldn’t be back from leave until late tomorrow, and so she resided to make herself a drink in Port Observation.

Shepard sighed in relief as she found the lounge empty, having expected to find at least one of the ship’s off duty crew. She ducked behind the bar and pulled out a cheap Human beer, popping its top and pressing it to her lips. It wasn’t great, nothing compared to the expensive liquors and brews provided in Garrus’s hotel room, but the alcohol still brought a familiar feeling of warmth to her face. She leaned her elbows on the bar and pressed her forehead into her palms.

“Shepard –”

“What, EDI?” Shepard snapped. Her patience for this AI was rapidly waning.

“I am alerting you that Subject Zero appears to be waking.”

“Fuck!” She straightened, sending her beer bottle flying to the ground, and ran out the lounge doors. She spoke while running, “Get Samara and Miranda down there, and the Doctor. Is Zaeed down there? Is she fully awake?”

“Understood. Zaeed is there, and she is not fully aware yet.”

Zaeed was facing the frame when Shepard arrived at his side. Zero’s eyes were still closed, but her face was twitching and her limbs shifting within their confines. Her mouth was open and she was breathing rapidly, as she were fighting off a bad dream.

“Zaeed, how long as she been like this?”

“Only a few. Woke up and ‘eard ‘er mumbling and tossin'.”

Miranda, Samara, and Dr. Chakwas arrived within minutes, the latter rushing to scan the girl with her omni-tool.

“Increased alpha waves, Commander. Her sympathetic nervous system is highly active. We should expect her to put up a fight.”

As if she had heard the Doctor, Zero’s eyes flew open wide. She was looking around, increased panic growing on her face, trying to pull her limbs against the suspension. Then, she locked eyes with Shepard.

“LET ME THE FUCK GO!”

“It’s okay,” said Shepard softly, “You’re safe, we are not going to hurt you. My name is Commander Shepard, you are aboard the Normandy. We brought you here after rescuing you from Purgatory where you were imprisoned.”

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE. LET. ME. GO.” She was pulling with all her strength against the field. Blue sparks began to charge around her hands. To her side, Shepard could see biotics glowing in both Miranda and Samara, and she raised a hand to stop them.

“I understand how unpleasant it is to wake up in a strange place like this, but I promise we are here to help you.” Shepard’s heart was beating a thunderstorm in her chest. “Can you tell me your name?”

“FUCK. YOU.”

The girl attempted to throw her biotics, but to Shepard’s horror they only disseminated in the field and shocked her entire body. She roared and tried again, then was shocked again, and again, and again. Tears streaked down her face as she stared at Shepard with furious eyes.

“Commander, she needs a sedative,” said Dr. Chakwas, stepping forward with her omni-tool charged.

Shepard threw her arm out in front of her. “No! She’s been through enough and injecting her against her will won’t help. We need to show her that she can trust us.” She directed her attention at Zero again, “Try to stay calm, I know it’s so hard. We want to help you and you are safe. Please, just tell me your name.”

Zero shook her head wordlessly, giving up, now panting and limp. Her tears brought with them black streaks of makeup down her cheeks and the little bit of skin not tattooed was flushed red. Shepard’s chest tightened at the sight, brain spinning with what a child could have gone through to be instilled with such fear and anger. Suddenly, her many scars spoke so much louder.

“Let’s give her some space for a while. I’ll come check in with her tomorrow after she’s had some time to process.” Shepard looked around at the others and they nodded in agreement, except for Zaeed. His head was bowed, a deep sadness etched on his face. “Bloody sons ‘o bitches,” she heard him murmur.

* * *

“Thank fucking god,” Shepard said with all the relief in the world as she threw arms around Garrus’s torso. He stumbled back against the doorframe from her force, still fairly unsteady on his broken leg.

“Spirits, Shepard, rough week?” His voice sounded so good to her, like water after being lost in a desert. Three days and she had gone crazy, she couldn’t even fathom how he felt for two entire years... it was completely understandable why he became a murderous vigilante. The weight of the events of the last few days seemed to come crashing down when she saw him, her hard outer shell melting in a puddle around them. 

She pressed her forehead against his chest and murmured, “I didn’t realize how much I depended on you for some damn grounding. You’re not allowed to take leave anymore… unless it’s with me.” He chuckled warmly, filling her with warmth.

She sat him down on her couch and detailed everything from leaving his hotel to waking Zero the night before - well, she left out some information. She told him how she thought she almost had a breakthrough with Thane, but omitted detailing his domination of her, and the subsequent fucking of her own pillow. She cringed at the thought that he might be able to smell the evidence in her room. He was interested to hear about Zaeed’s daughter and the tenderness he expressed for Zero, but ultimately not surprised.

“It makes sense… In my experience, you don't just become a bloodthirsty assassin without losing someone you care for.” His eyes flicked onto Shepard just momentarily, mandibles flaring. 

“Shepard,” And then he was wringing taloned hands awkwardly. “I wasn’t just on the Citadel for leave, there was a purpose for my being there.”

_I knew it_. She waited patiently for him to continue, saying nothing.

“It was a meeting between the Vakarian and Victus clans to discuss an arrangement. Well, the Victus’s are an elite clan and they are impressed with my accomplishments, defeating Saren, fighting Geth under the Great Commander Shepard. It’s all about flash and glory, really… Well... an agreement was made for me to wed one of their females and unite our clans.”

“Garrus…” She struggled to find a response to any of it. “What does this mean? Are you leaving the Normandy?”

“No, no of course not. Duty first, like any good Turian. No, it would take place after we return from the Collectors… _If_ we return.”

“So, you spent three days making plans for a marriage?” She thought of the elaborate conference table in the extravagant hotel and it all made sense.

“The first day, after you left, was an introduction of the families. Of course it was just formality, Illona and I have known each other for ages, and her brother joined C-Sec at the same time as I. The next couple days were for getting to know each other... see if we would make compatible bond mates. We even got a bit more time in that hot tub… It’s much nicer at a decent temperature, you know.” His pupils dilated slightly as he recounted the memory. 

“Hey, don’t blame me for not evolving on a microwave planet. So, is this a good thing? Are you happy?”

He leaned back against the couch and let out a long breath. “It gives my family a large step-up socially – will really help Sol out in her plans to seek office in a few years. Illona is successful, very intelligent. I’m lucky she’s interested in me.”

“She’s the lucky one,” Shepard said, smiling, though something pulled at her heart, a small and sour feeling that wanted to be heard. Could she imagine a future where Garrus has a life that’s not on the Normandy? It was hard to imagine any sort of _domestic_ life after service, what with the constant knowledge that any day might be her last. He had a right to plan for a time after the Normandy, and she had no right to demand it be at her side. _If we return_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> \- Shepard discovers Zaeed's interest in Subject Zero is because he's reminded of his daughter.  
> \- They successfully pulled Maelon off Tuchanka.  
> \- Subject Zero wakes up.  
> \- Garrus returns from the Citadel and tells Shepard he was there arranging a marriage to the Victus clan.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mild references to non-con themes.

She looked down upon the Shuttle Bay from the Engineering bridge, Dr. Chakwas at her side. From here they could observe the frame without easily being seen. They felt it was best to give Zero some space after her turbulent awakening the day before. She was still contained within the mass effect suspension, but seemed to be awake and alert during the day. 

“What I found in her biodata was very concerning,” Dr. Chakwas began, “she’s gone through an immense amount of testing, and just about everything in her body has been tampered with in one way or another. She is technically healthy, but I worry her past trauma has made her unstable, possibly prone to outbursts and self-harm.”

Shepard scowled, her chest twisting at the thought of such horrors being inflicted on a child. Below them, Zaeed sat in silence on his cot before the girl, who hadn’t spoken a single word since waking up. He flipped through the same old book he always read, with pages yellowing and coming loose from their binding. Each time he looked at the girl it was with soft eyes, a tenderness he seemed to possess for no one else.

“Is there anything we can do for her?” Shepard asked.

“I’m afraid not, but we can provide her a… well, I suppose ‘safe’ isn’t accurate… but a space free of fear of abuse.” Shepard noticed a sadness in her voice. It seemed Zero was having a similar effect on everyone, even her pragmatic clinician.

“Do you have any children, Dr. Chakwas?”

“Oh, no, I’m afraid military life never allowed the time for a family.” She laughed sadly, “Though I suppose Joker will always depend on me, which is like having a child. I'll never be out of a job with that one.”

Shepard also laughed, “A child with a _very_ large and dangerous toy.”

* * *

Shepard looked up as she heard the Comm Room door slide open, the bounty hunter sauntering in and standing before her.

“Commander.”

She inclined her head, “Zaeed, status report on Subject Zero?”

“Doin’ ‘right,” he mumbled. “Seems loads calmer, ate a bit o’ the food I brought ‘er, doesn’t look right bit scared when the Doc scans ‘er.” He smirked, skin around scarred patches stretching and pulling. “Can tell she’s a spitfire, that one. Can’t wait to see the shit she can pull on the ground.”

“That’s good to hear,” and she really did mean it. Between the Collectors, coping with Thane, and juggling Garrus’s nearly constant stress, it was nice to have something look up for once. She looked forward to talking to the girl and getting to know her, possibly become a mentor and a source of safety for someone who’s seen little more than adversity in her short life. She had made the decision a few days prior to let up on Zero's confines in the suspension, now given the space to roam within the frame and a cot and some amenities. It wore too heavily on her conscious to keep her restrained for any longer, and she reasoned that taking the first step towards building trust with her was worth the risk of some damage to the Shuttle Bay. To their collective surprise and relief, there was no retaliation, though the girl refused to make contact as she was lowered to the ground and sat in the far corner with her back turned to them. Shepard had spent some time talking to her, which without any responses, turned into mostly talking about herself and her squad. It was progress. 

She and Zaeed spent some time planning the mission down to Zorya, which they haven’t spoke of since Zaeed’s first day aboard the Normandy. Some of his normal edge seemed to return while talking about the men he’d get to shoot when they took back the facility from Blue Suns.

“And depending on when we head there, if she’s fit to fight, you might bring along Zero–”

“Jack.”

“—and give her a run… what did you say?”

“…’Er name’s Jack.”

Shepard stared, dumfounded and at a loss for words.

“She… she spoke to you?”

“Hah, yea, a bit.” He was smiling bigger than ever, an almost ghastly sight on a face marred with scars. “Asked my why I was readin’ that book, asked if I had gotten it from my dinosaur friends. Didn’t talk much, really, but I told ‘er my name and she told me ‘ers. Couldn’t get ‘er to talk to the Doc, though.”

Shepard let out a long breath, but she was smiling as well. “That’s… fucking great, Zaeed, really. I’m so glad to hear that she’s building trust with you, she needs it. Hell, you probably need it, too. Keep it up. I’ll give it some more time before I come down there again, but I want to continue to hear from you about her progress. I would love to get her out of that suspension as soon as possible and into her own space." 

* * *

They were en route for Omega, Samara had picked up that an Ardat-Yakshi she had been hunting for centuries was staked out there, plus they would be able to hunt down that upgrade Daniels requested.

She sought out Garrus and they cleared a sparring space in Port Observation after moving furniture and the more delicate items to safety. He had absolutely jumped at the opportunity to spar again. In his perspective, it had been years since the days on the SR-1 and their almost nightly matches in the old Shuttle Bay. It didn't help that he had been out of action for multiple missions now. Only to her benefit, he was still casted and without armor, so only sported athletic slacks draped over his hip protrusions. Even then, she was sure his plates would hardly give in to squishy Human musculature. The tape on her hands did little more than save her some abrasion injuries. 

It had been a couple weeks since Tuchanka - she had gone much longer without setting her feet on proper ground - but her body and mind felt restless, ornery. Punching and being punched seemed like the appropriate short-term remedy, and Garrus was more than willing to provide it. It wasn’t hard to figure out the root of her feelings, she knew exactly what she wanted and where she could fine it… find him. As her latest bruises faded to shallow blushes, her drive to seek out venom and body had been burning, growing to a flame, amounting on unignorable in the dark quiet of her quarters each night. 

Every time she had considered about calling him to her cabin, every time her feet thought about turning towards the right when the elevator opened upon the Crew Deck, something in her brain had tugged her away. She _cared_ about him, and only when she said it to Liara did it feel real… and shameful. Shameful because she couldn’t be certain that despite her willingness to submit to him completely, she wasn’t sure if he cared for her in return. His concern for her safety and vow to protect her could well be an act of duty and nothing more, and the thought made her nauseous. 

She gave a slow swing at Garrus and he blocked it with ease, barely even looking at her. Then another one, which he pushed aside with the outside of his forearm. Thane had made Garrus look like he’d never been in a hand-to-hand in his life, but she was out of practice, and before long she was straining to keep up.

“What’s on your mind, Shepard?” He asked as he side-stepped her and mimed a blow to her face.

“Nothing.”

She threw her fist into his bare abdomen and he stumbled back, clearly not expecting a hard hit. His mandibles flared and brow plate furrowed in a way that told her he wasn’t going to play around anymore and his deep chuckle made her heart race. Fists flew, soft knuckles against hard plates and talons flashing dangerously close to exposed skin. His splinted leg made him less balanced than normal, but it wasn't enough of a handicap to help her distracted, uncoordinated movements. He was smiling, in the odd way she learned Turians smiled, enjoyable rumbles in his chest. She adored focused-Garrus so much, lived for seeing him in his element, even if it was at her own expense. And it was definitely at her expense. Her arms were already showing signs of darkening where he had clocked her, muscles straining, forehead beaded with sweat. 

Good, some bruises with better memories behind them.

"You stink, have I told you that yet today- And you're... tense... You haven't seen Krios in a while, have you?" 

She didn't respond to him, focused only on placing punches and dodging his. He hit the nail right on the head and she wasn't prepared for it. Damn Turian noses. 

He seemed to pick up on her silence and moved on. “Liara messaged me this morning, for the first time in years.” He dodged her punch and returned one to her side, causing her to grunt in pain. “Asked how I was doing.”

“That’s. Nice.” Shepard panted between throws, avoiding eye contact. 

“Yes, but it seemed instigated.” He put up a hand just as she threw her arm and caught her fist inches from his face. “Did you two… talk?”

She scowled and wrenched her arm back to her side, chest heaving with effort. As much as she wanted to ignore the subject of Liara as well, she had a feeling he wouldn't let this one go. “Yes, I told her… I told her I was worried about you.” When he straightened up and crossed his arms, she quickly said, “Because I told her about Thane.”

“Okay…” he said thoughtfully, “I imagine that was awkward... with how things ended.”

“It was. Though I didn’t tell her about the… uh—”

“The highly questionable, irresponsible, dominant sex?”

She huffed. “Yeah. Sure. I just said we were… involved… and that I had feelings for him. I don’t even know if that’s true, if I want it to be true. All of it’s kind of fucking with me, Garrus.”

“Shepard, are you sure about this?” His voice had an edge, she didn’t need alien senses to tell he was unhappy.

She clasped her hands behind her neck and began to pace around the room. Her mind was whirring, and she was worried she had brought this up with Garrus, only to have no words for him. She watched her feet with each step she took and could feel his eyes upon her. 

With a deep breath she said, “Spirits-To start, I’m attracted to him. Fatally, I guess. He’s the first Drell I've ever met and I had no idea what to expect. The talks we would have after missions... they made me believe he might care for me, and I was so damn intrigued by him... And after we got his son out of the woods, he… kissed me.” She turned to lean her back against the viewing window, still looking at her feet. “I was hurt when I thought he cheated on me, I decided to fuck with his fucking son out of revenge, _then_ I begged him to let me help him with his turmoil. I allow him to abuse and manipulate me over and over, because part of me... loves it, and the other part is fucking sick knowing he probably doesn’t care for me back. I keep going in circles, questioning the self-hate I would need to continue this, questioning why I'm allowing it when I'm dealing with the damned Collectors, wondering why I need to seek out problems I have almost no chance have solving.”

It was silent for many moments. She had just said so many heavy words, altogether too many for her Turian. He shifted his weight, flexed his hands, and cracked his knuckles without speaking. She felt light headed, as if the words left her mouth with all the air in her body, now hanging heavily in the air between them. 

She gave in and said sourly, “I’m sorry, but you brought it up.”

It took another moment for him to say, “The way I see it... you have two options. Either cut it off, which I know you’re too Spirits stubborn to do, or go tell him exactly what you told me. We’ll be on Omega soon; I suggest after the mission you take a little R&R and then try when your head is clear. Now I think of it, make sure you take Tali. I think she's got cabin fever even worse than you - found her talking to the drive core the other day.” Talons wrapped around her wrist and he pulled her back to the center of their ad-hoc sparring ring, bringing his fists up in front of his face.

It was an invitation to move on, if she wanted it. They could keep talking about Thane, something they both knew was needed but not wanted, or they could continue to beat each other up like they loved. She nodded and raised her arms up, then threw a low punch at his chest. Within moments they were back in the rhythm, her chest feeling remarkably lighter with her thoughts out in the open.

“Her name is Jack.”

“No kidding.” He knew exactly what she was talking about.

“She’s going to be a shit load of trouble when she’s ready.”

He laughed. “Then she’ll fight right in.”


End file.
